24 dec: Coronisch Tijdperk XII: KERST

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“Oké Google, speel het allerleukste liedje van de hele wereld.” De jongste van negen is meer dan vastbesloten: Kerst wordt leuk. En zo niet, dan toch. Aan haar zal het niet liggen. Op 6 december pruilde ze al waarom we nog geen kerstboom gingen kopen. Toen dat een week later wel het geval was, ging ze los. Niet alleen op de boom, op het hele huis. Door geen enkel raam valt meer normaal te kijken. Op al het glaswerk zijn sneeuwpoppen, kerstballen, kerstsokken en kerstbomen gekalkt in wit. Met dank aan de Intratuin. Wij kochten daar de boom, na ruim een half uur dwalen door het Coronische bomenbos dat speciaal buiten op de parkeerplaats was opgezet. “Die is mooi, vind je niet?” “Nee, te weinig takken bovenin.” “Die dan?” (rollende ogen als antwoord). “En die?” “Die is scheef!” Enfin, toen we afrekenden, kreeg zij een gratis kerstsjabloon van de PRafdeling plus een witte stift.
Een missie was geboren. Naast alle versierselen worden we bestookt met vrolijke Kerstverwensingen zoals ‘Merry Christmas’ (uiteraard) en ‘Yes, Kerst!’. Haar eigen slaapkamerraam is gegraffitied met nepsneeuw en ‘Wauw! Witte Kerst!’. Op ons voorraam: “film die aangeraden wordt: cristmascronicles’. En op onze oven: ‘een warme kerst hierin’.
Sommige spullen verheiligen. Het eeuwenoude plastic kersttreintje is nu voor het derde jaar herrezen uit de dood. Maar het treintje móet. En dit jaar al helemaal. Normaal gesproken leven wij toe naar Kerstavond waar in onze Hofkerk een kerstspel door buurtkindjes wordt bezongen en ‘nagespeeld’. Maar dit jaar helaas geen oorlog om wie Maria, de Ster of de Wijze Koningin mag zijn.

Heilig is ook het kerststalletje onder de boom. Jozef ontbreekt. Hij is in een vorige editie opgevreten, omdat hij werd aangezien voor een kluif. Een der herders is nu de ‘stand-in Jozef’ geworden. Kindje Jezus in z’n krib is wonderwel ontkomen aan de hondenmuilen. Alleen een schaap mist een deel van zijn snuit, waardoor er een goede en een slechte kant is ontstaan. Maar dat is een kwestie van neerzetten.

Er is ook een kerstman opgedoken. Met voeler. Ik weet niet welk familielid precies verantwoordelijk is voor zijn komst en het plaatsten van deze kerstkabouter. Hij staat ‘strategisch’ bij binnenkomst van de woonkamer, starend in het niets. Bij elke voorbijgang (minstens tachtig per dag schat ik) roept hij ‘Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas’. Ik laat me nu al tien dagen door hem kastijen. Stil en lijdzaam. Kerst. Het zal en moet leuk zijn. Ook dit jaar. Juist dit jaar.

De postbezorger belt aan. Hij staat alweer bij zijn bestelbus als ik open doe. Het pakketje bungelt half in de brievenbus. Ik voel medelijden met deze kerstbezorgers, die in deze lockdown vrijwel alle verantwoordelijkheid dragen voor de bezorging van ons ‘goede kerstgevoel’. Mijn mailbox overstroomde afgelopen week met ‘Goed Nieuws!’-berichten van postorderbedrijven die me om de paar uur hijgerig lieten weten dat het pakketje écht écht écht ontzettend naar me onderweg is. Tien minuten later belt de bezorger opnieuw aan. Met zweet op zijn bovenlip. “Mevrouw, twee pakketjes voor de buren.” Ze beslaan mijn halve halletje. Ik kijk hem aan. Hij kijkt smekend terug. Ik stap achteruit zodat hij binnen kan komen. Al excuserend tilt hij de vracht op. In zijn ooghoek ziet hij een buurjongen verschijnen. Ogenblikkelijk zet hij ’t neer: “Hee gast, wat is dat nou? Ik heb drie keer bij je aangebeld!” Het is na elven. Met slaperige verontschuldigingen neemt de buurjongen de dozen over. Wat een kartonnen Kerst.

Gisteren ZOOMde ik met mijn taaldocent-collega. Wij geven les aan vluchtelingen. In principe in de voormalige Bijlmerbajes. Nu dus on-line. Hij vertelde dat hij laptops ging brengen. Eerst naar Mohammed en daarna naar Mohammed. Mohammed zat in het Syrische leger. Hij zag zijn vrienden, zijn maten onthoofd. Zijn familie zit over de hele wereld verspreid.

Vanmiddag ben ik on-line bij een begrafenis geweest. De broer van een goede vriend van mij is overleden. Aan Corona. Gestikt op zijn 76e.

Wham schalt door de speaker van Google Home. Afgewisseld met Mariah Carrey.
Morgen is het Kerst. Dan wordt het leuk. En zo niet, dan toch.

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